I got up late today. Like really late .
10 mins later I was running to catch the last bus.
I turned around the corner and ran flaying my arms and just made it.
Huffing and puffing i get on to the bus , smiling as is the custom here and said a bright good morning.
The bus driver was a middle aged chinese guy, a tiny person who looked like an unlikey driver.
"Please Be on time for the bus."
'Eh?' I was sure i misheard.
The look of disgust more pronounced he repeated, " Please Be on time for the bus."
That was the first conversation I had today. and it turned the whole day blue for me.
I dont react well to criticism. Specially when I am trying hard.
Am I at fault here? and in the many other situations?
Where I attempt to read the expressions ? To understand what he is thinking by the way his mouth twitches, by the way his eyes narrow, by the quick flash of anger he hides, by the 'I cant belive u are doing this again' expression.
And because of my pride in human judgement, I let it hurt me. I think I know what he is thinking and maybe I do. I feel like a little girl again who just wants the appreciation. I wish it would all be made alright. I try to read a different look now, Search for the tenderness.
And then I Let the defense kick in as I withdraw into my shell. Bring about the deliberate freezing in my words. Avoid eye contact . Let the anger simmer coz being angry is better than being sad.
And then when I can lock myself up i let it flow.