Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Today is a day of uneasiness. I catch myself shaking my head around ; somewhere in the subconcious maybe I hope I can gert rid of all the thoughts that plague me today. I have had this feeling before. Except that then I dint know why. Since I met him, I now know it was lonliness. I no longer get the I dont know whats wrong feeling. Except today. But its differernt coz I know. Its probably the sky diving feeling. I feel myself hurtling towards something. It could be good. or maybe not. All I know is that its not mine. The landscape is not one I dreamt about. It is not the dark abyss which contains the beauty of the unknown. Its the prettiness of the expected. And I rue the lost time . When the unexpected was within reach. And I dint appreciate it. Now I know the future. Of how life has been planned for me. I close my eyes and imagine. See myself as the little girl squatting between shrubs. I reach out , but its long gone. I could stare into space forever watching that image. But am I not repeating the same mistakes again. Of living in a different time. Can I drag myself back to today and to what it is supposed to be ?